On Birthday, Women's Age and Marriage

On Birthday, Women's Age and Marriage

Made it to yet another birthday! WOW!

Every year, as soon as we get past the hangover of New Year celebrations, I start getting excited about my birthday, and EVERY year, this excitement starts with the exact same thought – that I made it through ONE MORE YEAR (as if there was any reason to doubt it!) – and with the EXACT SAME grin of wonder on my face!

LOL! I have done some crazy things on my birthdays. Just thinking about them fills me with nostalgia AND a whole lot of giggles! But I’ll share about them in a subsequent post. For today, I want to re-share the post I published on my 33rd birthday. Why? Because today, I turn 44, and the same “MASTER number” dynamics that were in play 11 years ago, are showing up again (11.1.22), AND, as I mull over it, I realize that this same pattern will repeat itself every 11 years now, till I turn 99 (in the year 2077)! 🤔

I don’t really know the significance of this recurrent “master number combination” in my life, but it sure LOOKS pretty cool, doesn’t it? So, on that note, here’s my old post, from when I turned 33. I have highlighted it in a different font color.

. . .

Three decades and three. Made it so far without causing any major calamities (for me or the family). Most girls (OK, make it "practically ALL girls"!) would rather NOT disclose their age on their public blog, or would prefer to appear younger than they actually are, but for me, my age is a matter of immense pride. Those of my blog readers (especially the male ones) who have made the mistake of jumping to the assumption that I'm in my early twenties, know better now! 😁

The thing is... I was a teenager once, and it was fun being a teenager at THAT time. Then I passed through my twenties too, and even that period seemed cool... THEN. But now I'm in my thirties, and it may seem old to some (OK many), but for me, it's JUST the age I want to be right now. The perfect middle-ground between over-excited youth and greying wisdom! If you ask me (nobody will, I know, but I'll answer anyway!) - "thirties" is when life really starts getting "HOT"! As a matter of fact, I think the forties will be even "hotter"... and not due to global-warming! Hehe! 😜

I know, I know… the teenage readers here and all the young college freshmen will not accept this without a fight. In fact, I'm pretty sure they won't even accept it WITH a fight, but, it's not them... it's just their age that is to blame. But that's okay, my friends... you all will also get to be 30 one day. So, go ahead and enjoy your teens and twenties while you still can. And rest assured that when you finally reach the thirties, I will be prancing around in my forties somewhere, and will come back here to brag about how cool the forties are! Hahahahahahahahah! 🤣🤣

But enough teasing the youngsters here... let's get back to my birthday.

I was informed by a couple of people yesterday that the day carried special energy vibes (11.1.11) and that meditation or other energy work would be very beneficial. The funny thing was that even without this information, the first thing I had done yesterday morning (after having tea, of course) was to give myself a very welcome Chakra balancing session with Reiki. The energy flow was SUPERB, though I had no idea it was due to the "vibes of the day". And the last thing I did before hitting my pillow yesterday, was a half-an-hour meditation session, followed by a few minutes of silent chanting. The energy movement that I could feel through my body then was even better than the morning. Vibes or no vibes, it sure felt good.

Also, I spent a lot of time yesterday on phone and the internet... in ACTIVE social interaction... something that I don't do much on a regular basis. (Despite the general "chatterbox" mood of this blog, I'm actually a very quiet person in real life.) But for birthdays, I mentally prepare myself in advance for all the extra interaction, which makes it easy to deal with.

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live!

So anyway, the phone conversations obviously started with the wishes and the birthday celebrations, eventually leading up to the most favorite topic of Indians: MARRIAGE. I mean come on now... an Indian female, still single on her 33rd birthday, is OBVIOUSLY a major source of mystery to the rest of her countrymen, isn't she? Well, I was in such a good mood yesterday that I listened amicably to everybody's suggestions and advice... even played along with them!

Some of the full-time housewives told me that “marriage is crap”, a totally “useless arrangement”, and that I'm “better off single”. My own cousin (who is 3 years younger than me, but has a 4-year old son) advised me to go for a live-in arrangement instead, while some of the others sounded totally exhausted with all their domestic drudgeries. Not even a hint of the old fun and excitement in their voice. In fact, after hearing their voice on the phone, I was like "WOW! They remembered to wish me in THAT mental state! They must really care for me a LOT!" 😮

On the other hand, one of my male friends, who is married to such a full-time housewife, is blissfully happy! He says that he has got a free "personal secretary" to take care of all his domestic chores AND his social calendar, while he slogs to earn the bread for the family. Fair enough. (I have seen him appreciating all the little things she does at home, such as cooking in the sweaty kitchen in peak summers, so I know he was only joking about the "personal secretary" thing!)

And then there were those eternally young spirits, who constantly complain about their growing waist-lines, about their extraordinarily naughty kids, about their hectic work schedule too (in some cases)... and keep laughing all the while they complain... as if their messy life is the funniest thing that ever happened to anyone in the whole world! Like I said... “eternally young”! 😃

Then there were a few philosophical friends too, who told me it didn't really matter whether one married or not. Like me, they are the "thinkers". They think, and they think, and then they think some more. And eventually they come to the conclusion that it's not worth all that thinking... it doesn't really matter either way. 😆

So anyway, all that social interaction yesterday gave me a LOT of food for thought... so let me share some of MY "thinking" with you guys now.

I think that marriage is nothing but what we think it to be. People who take it as a major responsibility feel burdened by its weight all the time. Those who take it as a binding or restriction get exactly THAT from the relation. The ones who consider it as a support system... "mutual give-and-take" or "sharing of responsibilities"... find that it's just like any other business arrangement (a few compromises, some negotiations, and benefits worthy of the risks and "sacrifices" involved). And the happiest of the lot are perhaps the ones who just take it as a new experience, with an open mind, ready to accept both the “positives” and the “negatives” equally, with all their focus on having as much fun as possible, out of any situation that comes up.

And then I thought some more too. About kids. Well kids just grow up on their own, regardless of how much time and attention you give them. They just adapt to whatever they see around them. And they learn to expect the "familiar" surroundings. There is simply no way to be the "perfect" parent. There is no such thing as a perfect parent! The entire life is a long process of trying new things, making mistakes, learning, trying more new things, making more mistakes, learning some more. The whole idea of being a "perfect" ANYONE is delusional!

And finally, I thought about marriage and me. And I realized that the most important things for me, in such a relationship, were honesty, communication, support and appreciation. I could live in any circumstances, in any part of the world, as long as these four basic conditions were met. But the absence of even one of these four things would mark the end of the relationship for me.

I can live in the toughest of conditions; I can work a full-time job and manage the house too, if required, or I can be a full-time housewife, if so required; I can stay with in-laws or without them; I can adapt to practically any kind of situations. But, if there is restricted/closed communication between me and my partner, I will start looking for the exit. If there is lack of transparency, I will start looking for that exit even more urgently. And if I feel I'm not being appreciated, or my partner is not supportive enough, and it's always boiling down to "him" and "his needs" and "his wishes" and "his dreams" blah blah blah... then I will just run! Not only run, but also attempt to bolt all the doors behind me so he couldn't follow me!

Does that sound crazy or irrational (or any other mumbo-jumbo you want to call it)? Maybe it does. But that's how I am... at least at the time of writing this post. Oh, and in case you are wondering about the absence of "love" in my "basic requirement" list... well, that was deliberate. In my 33 years of existence on this planet, I have learnt that different people have different interpretations of the word. Its usage is so ambiguous, in fact, that I no longer consider it as a parameter for deciding who I get married to.

Oh and one last thing I "thought" on this subject was that I would rather stay single my entire life than spend it with someone who doesn't value my presence in his life.

. . .

So much for all that thinking 11 years ago! As I was going through this old write-up, I realized that 11 years is such a LOOONG time, and so much can happen AND CHANGE in 11 years.

For one, I am no longer okay with being a full-time housewife. I have a purpose in life now, a goal, which is important to me. Even more important than marriage.

In fact, in these past 11 years, I have changed my views about marriage so many times... from “a bit skeptical”, to “downright against”, to “on the fence”, and finally (and very recently!), to “we’ll see what happens WHEN it happens”!

My value hierarchy hasn’t changed much though. Transparency, open communication and mutual support (for our individual dreams as well) are still as important. (I was actually quite surprised that I had such clarity about my values even back then!) Although one thing that HAS changed in priority is "appreciation”. I am no longer driven by external appreciation anymore. Also, some other values have moved up in priority... 🤔

But that’s for another post, another day... I’m off now to “negotiate” some more “birthday hugs” from Dad! 😀

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Wanna Talk? :)

Rijuta said...

Soooper relatable!


Kay said...

Thanks for reading, Rijuta! 💞

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