Mother... and No Mother!

She's your source
of all inspiration.
She encourages you
to surpass your limitation.

She's the cool soft moonlight
wherein dreams are born.
She's the smile
that sets right all wrong.

Her belief in you
makes you believe yourself.
Her pride in you
makes you proud of yourself.

She celebrates
every tiny step you take.
And when you stumble and fall,
she helps you up and calls for a "retake".

Against the harsh criticism of the world,
she's an impenetrable armour.
Through her eyes, you're able to see
the perfection that you truly are.

She protects you from the
scorching sun and stormy waters of life.
She is the cord that connects you
to planet 'home', through all the strife.

. . . . .

But then one day...
she's gone.
Just like that.
No goodbyes.
No parting hugs.
No final words of wisdom.
Not even the gentle reassurance, that
"Don't be afraid, I'll watch over you."

You feel betrayed,
abandoned.
You want to scream,
smash everything that is breakable.
You want to complain to Dad,
about her leaving you like that.
You want to cry...
cry soooo much.

But, you are told by "well wishers",
to check those tears
and "be strong".
You keep waiting to hear the words,
"Your mother is gone, but...
we're still here; we'll look after you."
Instead, all you get to hear is,
"Now YOU have to look after your Dad and sister."

. . . . .

More than 14 years later,
you're still left wondering "Why?"
Why are you the only one
who doesn't need "looking after"?

And then you wonder
if you're made of some different stuff?
Stuff like old Arnie was made of, perhaps,
in Terminator II?

You wonder why you're unable to
see yourself the way others apparently do?
Like a robot. Or the Superman.
Or maybe the Mount Everest?

Eventually,
you just come to the conclusion...
that maybe those "others"
need to start wearing glasses!

. . . . .

I originally published this post on my old blog, 12 years ago, in February 2011. Decided to share it today on my new blog as well, because today is my mom's birthday. (Or at least, it would have been if she'd still been around. As things turned out though, she never even made it to her 41st birthday!)

As a matter of fact, I was randomly browsing through my old blog today, going through all the posts that were related to my mom and her sister - my mausi. (Mausi also passed away a few years ago, and, for me, they both carried such similar energetic signatures that it felt like losing mom all over again!)

And as I was reading those posts again today, I realized that some of them will never make it into THIS blog. They are part of a different version of me -- a version that is already healed now. They don't quite belong here now. Still, it felt good going through them again today and noticing, from a detached kind of point of view, the different "shades" of grief that one might go through...

For instance, this post shared above today...

It is so clearly demarcated in THREE very distinct parts:

1. With mother - All rhyme and rhythm, positive words and emotions, tenderness, deep-rooted sense of security... in your own being and in your connection with the world.
   
   
2. Sudden (and, in my case, unexpected too) loss of mother - Completely devoid of rhyme or reason, so much pain and anguish... WANTING to express itself, but bottled up, a sense of disbelief and incognizance.
   
   
3. 14-years later - Still unable to make sense, still no rhythm, the anger and hurt replaced by confusion, so many questions, and finally... the beginning of accepting your vulnerability...

Interestingly, ALL THREE parts were written as one single post, AT ONE GO, 14 years after my mom's death. Yet, all three of them are so different in their style and mood.

Isn't it amazing how, just by accessing and RE-LIVING different past moments, we can bring out noticeable differences in our writing?

This is, in fact, just the reverse of what I did in the other post I shared here about my mom - That Last Night - in which I DISTANCED myself from the experience, to be able to better write about it. (You can click on that link to check out that post if you haven't already read it.)

Both these techniques (of re-living and distancing) are actually covered in Neuro Linguistic Programming (of which I am now a certified Trainer), and they have many more applications, other than in writing.

So let's play a quick game in the comments...

Can you think of where else they can be useful? What other fields? What kind of situations?

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